Excuses, Excuses

By Joyce Armor

A Remarkable Adventure

By Jack Prelutsky

 

I couldn't do my homework.
I had asthma and was wheezing.
I had nosebleeds, measles, heat rash,
with some very painful sneezing,
and itchy skin with blisters-
oh so blotchy red and hivy-
malaria and toothaches,
and a patch of poison ivy,
eight spider bites and hair loss,
and a broken leg with scabies,
Rocky Mountain spotted fever,
and a full-blown case of rabies.
I suffered-it was awful-
but I'm feeling better now.
Could I have done my homework?
No, I really don't see how.

 

I was at my bedroom table

with a notebook open wide,

When a gain anaconda

stated winding up my side,

I was filled with apprehensions

and retreated down the stairs,

to be greeted a the bottom

by a dozen grizzly bears.

 

We tumultuously tussled

till I managed to get free,

then I saw, with trepidation,

there were tigers after me,

I could feel them growing closer,

I was quivering with fear,

then I blundered into quicksand

and began to disappear.

 

I was rescued by an eagle

that descended from the skies

to embrace me with its talons,

to my terror and surprise,

but the raptor lost its purchase

when a blizzard make me sneeze,

and it dropped me in a  thicket

where I battered both my knees.

 

I was suddenly surrounded

by  a troop of savage trolls,

who maliciously informed me

they would toast me over coals,

I was lucky to elude them

when they briefly looked away –

that’s the reason why my homework

isn’t here with me today.

 

No More Homework! No More Tests! Ed. Bruce Lansky.  New York: Meadow Press,

 

            1997. pgs. 50 & 52-53.